I’m going to say something hopefully non-controversial but: Therapy is good. It’s good to get therapy, if you need it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in doing so. A few years ago, probably as a result of isolation during lockdown and other factors, I developed some fairly severe anxiety. I kept thinking that my house was infested with bedbugs, despite the fact that there was never any evidence of bedbugs. This got so bad that I’d obsessively clean and hoover my bedroom, pulling up the carpet to check for the insects. I had several panic attacks, which were very unpleasant. So, I went to see a therapist to talk about things. Just talking through things, realizing my obsessive thoughts were illogical and irrational helped to put things in perspective.
Vampire Therapist is a unique concept; what if vampires also needed therapy? You know vampires; those blood-sucking immortal ghouls who dislike garlic, crosses and so on. Presented as a visual novel, Vampire Therapist is a very entertaining narrative adventure where you get to cross-examine a variety of vampires about their various neuroses, while also maybe learning a thing or two about therapy along the way. You play as Sam Wells, a former cowboy who has been a vampire for about 150 years, and has decided to try his hand at therapy. He’s assisted by Andromachos (called by most as Andy) who is several thousand years old and has opened his vampire therapy service in a goth nightclub in Germany.
While most of the gameplay is traditional visual novel, following along the story and occasionally making decisions, the central gameplay facet is the therapy sessions themselves. Each week a different vampire will visit Sam and explain their issues, either You then need to listen to their responses and deduce which cognitive distortions they’re exhibiting. For example, someone might say “I should do better, I should be the best”, which would be an example of a “Should Statement”; fixed rules which people invent to hold themselves to a certain standard, when no such standard exists. Likewise, people making grandiose statements over exaggerating their achievements might be examples of “Control Fallacies”, that they have the ability to control things outside their control, or vice versa.
Naturally the story and the characters are the overwhelming focus here, and what’s excellent is that all dialogue is fully voiced, by a thoroughly brilliant cast. The wholesome folksy charm of Sam is a nice counter-balanced to some of the more aristocratic vampires, or Andromachos himself who speaks with a very deep, booming voice. The story is both one of Sam learning to have more self-confidence, but also in his blossoming ability as a gifted therapist. It’s also frequently very funny, with some of the vampires exhibiting quite severe delusions of grandeur. It should also be said failure isn’t an option here; should you accidentally select the incorrect option in your deduction of which cognitive distortion your patients are exhibiting, Andy will psychically contact you and advise you to think again, and there’s no punishment whatsoever for selecting the wrong choice.
Visually since this is a visual novel there’s not too much animation with most scenes being static, but the drawings of the characters, Andy’s study, the goth nightclub and other locations all look great. Likewise the character designs themselves are very enjoyable, some of them (particularly Sam and Andy) reminding me of the various “daddies” from Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator. Indeed, this game is fairly horny in places, and certainly takes a very light-hearted look at vampirism, so don’t go in expecting anything in the way of horror. For an easy-going and lively look at cognitive behavioural therapy as well as some wonderfully comedic voice acting, Vampire Therapist shows that even undead blood-suckers can have complex emotional problems.
